Category: well being

Motivational Forces at Work

“Don’t make friends who are comfortable to be with. Make friends who will force you to lever yourself up.”

– Thomas J. Watson

“Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.”

– Mark Twain

I wanted my blog today to begin to actually give practical advice about how to start incorporating exercise into your life in a non-threatening way. The advice will not be from a trained or qualified professional but just from someone with experience of going from fear to love.

My first two blogs were mainly about mindset and overcoming perceived hurdles to change but I need to address what actually happened for those changes to begin in the first place.

For me the pivotal time when was I started a new job in September of 2018 which was around two years after the birth of my third child. This was when my body confidence was at an all time low, my weight had yo-yo’d significantly. Starting a new job, I was once again on a ‘diet’. (I will post in the future about ‘diets’ but again very much like my relationship with exercise, my relationship with food was one that I would not describe as healthy.)

It was when I started my new job that two people entered my life, both of which have had a significant impact on the way I view physical activity. They shall remain anonymous but both of these people provided very different forms of inspiration and motivation.

One pf these people  is someone who has taught me how to use  exercise as a way to carve out time for myself. We go to the gym together, have a coffee, we make it a social time, a time for catch up, enjoying the company. This person supports, encourages  and makes it fun, so that it is now part of my social life, time away from my responsibilities of work and being a mother. This, I would suggest, is a great way to start, find a friend that you can start doing physical activity with.  It will make beginning so much easier and less threatening. The other valuable thing about starting out with a friend who is more experienced in this area, is that they can show you how to do the exercises and make sure you are doing them right, support and encourage when you are struggling.  

This person helped exercise become a regular part of my life by building it into a routine. I always had the excuse that I didn’t have time, but now every Saturday morning – tthe gym with my friend and afterwards we have a coffee, we go early as not to impact weekend family time, and thereby I kill a lot of birds with one stone, social time, time to focus on taking care of myself both physically and mentally and a way to spend time with my friend.

The other person was someone I met at work. This person from first impressions was the epitome of everything I was not, and  would not normally or ‘on paper’ (I really hate that expression) be someone that I would have as a friend. This person taught me that  this ‘pigeonholing’ or ‘labeling’ of both others in and myself was what had been holding me back. This person was young, confident, sporty – like I said – opposite to me! From getting to know this person, I found that they were able to  help me in so many ways, they live their life to the absolute maximum, pack everything in and make the most of every opportunity. This love of life is infectious and has enabled me take on new challenges and not to be a passenger in my own life.

Although these two people were the trigger, I am lucky to have a lot of people in my life who have helped support me including my husband and children. Support is key for making changes, as it is so tough to change habits and attitudes that have been built up over thirty plus years.

You may find that when you start to make changes that some people in your life might  that difficult or threatening. This was how I used to be, change was to be feared, it’s the unknown and many people may project that fear on to you. Try to drown out the noise and make sure that you and your ‘fitness friend’ can speak about this, it will help keep you focused.

My advice is to find a fitness friend and start doing one activity a week with that person, turn it into a social time, make sure you have a treat afterwards and make it something to look forward to.

Next time I am going to write  about how to enter a gym without having a minor or major breakdown,

Please share your thoughts on my blog

Best

Ruby x

Featured

The Healing Power of Movement

“in becoming human, man had acquired, together with his straight legs and striding walk, a migratory ‘drive’ or instinct to walk long distances through the seasons; that this ‘drive’ was inseparable from his central nervous system; and that, when warped in conditions of settlement, it found outlets in violence, greed, status-seeking or a mania for the new.” 
― Bruce Chatwin, Anatomy of Restlessness: Selected Writings 1969-1989

In the last post, I started to talk about changing what you think is the unchangeable, parts of you that you think are fixed and will be there forever. Exercise is one of those for me – which is what has motivated me to start this blog. This is also intertwined with another aspect that I have believed was ingrained in who I was.

From as long as I can remember I was always referred to as a ‘worrier’ by my parents and people that knew me. Worrying is my default setting, when everything gets too much to cope with I worry, I worry about worrying, I make lists, both physical and mental of my worries and religiously review them, my worry is that if I forget to worry about something then I will be caught by surprise and then something will happen that I won’t have accounted for.  There have been points where this has controlled me to such an extent that it has prevented me from being ‘present’ in my life. You feel trapped in cycle that you can’t seem to stop, only muffle it sometimes, it’s like trying to push your covers every morning to start the day, accept some days the cover is like lead and it becomes harder and harder to lift it.

I have been diagnosed with anxiety, panic disorder, depression and post-natal depression three times, have been on a variety of medications and have felt at times that I have no grip on these feelings.  I just assumed I was born this way and would have to spend my life managing these ‘conditions’.

The one thing I never tried was exercise. There has been countless research into the positive effects of exercise on mental health, but due to my phobia of my body, I never thought that this would be something that would help me, only hinder.

It has only been recently that I appear to have found a relatively stable period and I now know that this is due to me overcoming my fear and having exercise and movement as integral and necessary parts of my life.

I had always known that walking had always helped me when I felt like I couldn’t cope. I used to walk for miles and miles when I was really struggling so deep down understood that movement was therapeutic. The more I have thought about this, read and talked to others I believe in what Bruce Chatwin, the travel writer says above, that our lack of movement in the modern world has led to many problems, and that nomadic and less settled societies seem to be much more at peace and less riddled with the anxiety and pressures that settled people do. I am no anthropologist but I am drawn to the belief that we need to move for our mental well -being.

I find that now when I do not exercise or have had a break many of my ‘worries’ feel out of control again, I feel agitated and anxious – so exercise has become part of my treatment. I do still feel that it will always be a part of who I am, but it does not define me or control me as it once does, I do not feel so powerless as I once did.

Exercise can help you regain parts of your life both physically and mentally. When I have felt desperate and like I am losing my grip – it has helped me get back on an even keel. You feel empowered when you make progress and see changes, you think – ‘Well I never thought I could do that, so what else could I do?’

It is never too late to start to make these changes, and these changes can be small but have a huge impact.

I will talk next time about some changes to try if you are new to exercise and/or like me feel terrified at the prospect, how to enter a gym without having a break down and that having an inspiring and supporting network will be the key to making these changes happen.

Please let me know your thoughts, especially of mental health is something you have struggled with like me!

Lots of Love

Ruby