Tag: workout

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The Pursuit of Happiness

“Once we’ve achieved what we have always wanted, we suddenly discover a new need, a new sense of something lacking. And so we travail on, in search of this new accomplishment, this new change-of-life, in the hope that, this time, the sense of contentment will be permanent…But then, when you have reached this new plateau of achievement you find yourself wondering: can you sustain this all now? Might it slip away from you? Or -worse yet – might you tire of it all, and discover that what you had in the past was actually what you wanted all along?” Douglas Kennedy -Temptation 

I have not written for a long time for the main reason that lock down has really tested my limits, but, as well as and as a product of this, I have learnt some powerful lessons. 

When people first started talking about the possibility of lock down, I honestly could not fathom it, and then when it did hit,  full blown panic set it. I would go through these motions of, ‘what am I going to do?’ All the things in my life that I have built and created to keep me sane are being taken away from me. Seeing friends, the gym, my job to a certain degree, all of those interactions with people that I thrive on – gone, and my biggest fear: ‘how am I going to cope with my children?’  I would then get the guilt of ‘well, why can’t you cope just being at home with your kids? What’s wrong with me for feeling like this? I must be a bad person to panic about being at home with them that much?’ In those first few weeks I went into meltdown and was feeling jealous and angry at others – even very close friends who appeared to be enjoying aspects, scrolling through social media feeling bitter at people baking, and taking romantic walks and then again feeling self loathing at – ‘what was wrong with me? I should be OK, I love my family – why do I feel like this?’ It was from this though that I managed – through the patience of my friends and my beautiful children, to pull myself together. I have learnt so much and although it has been a painful journey I am starting to come out of the other side. 

The first route out was a brutally honest conversation I had with a friend, through this friend they taught me that just because some people are doing something that I can’t do, or is different to me, does not make it a negative about me and that everyone is struggling in their own way and are finding ways to make it through. I have taken this advice to heart as I have spent time realising that I had been using this coping mechanism with everything in my life. Someone bakes some bread – ‘well I can’t’ cook so I am shit’. I needed to take the lessons learned from exercise and fitness – how I used to feel about that and the people that did it, I needed to apply that to all areas of life. 

The other aspect that has helped was running. I had started running with a friend before and had enjoyed it but not really focused on it, it was more of an add on to the gym and a way to spend time with a friend. When lock down started – I truly thought that I could not run without this friend and that again sent me into a spiral of negativity. I then decided to try it, more as a way to take a break from the house, I also decided to run to music. Music is a very powerful motivator and I spent quite a substantial amount of time constructing a motivating playlist. I also got better running shoes (for those new to running and on a budget I highly recommend Adidas galaxy running trainer around £40), I then got a strap for my arm to track my distance – again this helps as I like to know how fast and have goals. I then started to go at 5pm and guess what? I loved it, and realised that I could go quite a lot faster with music. These small successes of beating my minute per mile, is what I needed to feel like I was achieving something, and the rush of getting faster and faster was a feeling that I have become a bit addicted to. I now run as often as I can – but have to be careful as novice runners like myself are prone to injuries especially if you try to push it too much. I recommend picking a good 5 k route and working on that until you are at a pace you are happy with then upping if from there. I also recommend the free adidas running app as it is so motivational and helps track progress effectively. 

I also panicked about not being able to go to the gym as again I thought there would be no way I could maintain what I had gained through the gym – that it was the gym space, the equipment, the whole aspect of being in a different environment that was at the core of my drive. As time has passed I have realised that it doesn’t have to be like that – the motivation comes from inside – the space/place should not be at the heart. I have understood the power of simple body weight exercises, carving out a little space in your home, using youtube, finding routines that work. Press ups, jump squats, pull ups, dips on a bench, skipping are all amazing ways to build fitness and require so  little. I knew that if I didn’t get some sort of routine with my fitness and adapt I really would be screwed, with the kids around it is harder, but I often get them to do Joe Wicks and I do it with them and then adapt, when Jon is home, I have made a space upstairs which i call my ‘home gym’, I have created my own routines and schedules and just up the reps or sets when you can’t up the weights. Heather Robertson is also an excellent trainer to follow on youtube – her work outs are simple and minimal talking. 

My final ‘lesson’ and perhaps the most important one. Reasling that just ‘being’ with my children without having millions of activities and plans was not something to fear. I think deep down maybe I have hid from being a mum in part and hid behind work because I was scared that I wouldn’t be very good at it, I don’t bake, I am messy and lax about rules. I was forced, under lock down to actually reconnect with that side of me and find my own way. Being honest, it has pushed my patience to its limits and I have missed adult company, but I have found that my three little bears are the biggest teachers of all. They just want me, they don’t care if I am not good at something, they just want my time and for the first time in forever I have been able to give it to them. I still can’t bake, but I have also learnt so much about them and how good fun they can be,I am also a very good goalkeeper and great at being a dinosaur and attempting dance routines (I still can’t dance). 

I believe that – for me and I know is true for society we are constantly searching for something, rushing around, trying to do better, have a goal, and aspects of that are great – but sometimes in all this searching you have missed your actual life, too busy going on to the next thing. Once I had got over, what felt like the microscope on my marriage and my parenting I have worked out that I am the only one who was judging, and that if I just take the pressure off I can get the joy out of the small things, and that I can just ‘be’ and enjoy my coffee, playing. I still have days where I am tearing my hair out and trying to juggle three little separate demands and trying to do my job has been very testing but I don’t need to be the top of the class, they don’t care – they think I am great and that is enough. 

Thanks for reading – please get in touch with your lock down struggles, I can also share my workouts and running playlists if anyone is interested 

Love always

Ruby

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The Brave and the Bold

“Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment and blame.” Brene Brown

It has been awhile since I have written – this is partly due to a mini crisis of confidence – (why am I writing a blog? What’s the point? etc etc) but also due to the summer holidays. Summer holidays are great but they also present some challenges, such as keeping three small people entertained and from killing each other. So far we have managed to do that and I have also managed to be in keeping with taking up new challenges – again things that I would not have thought possible two years ago. 

Before I go in this I had said in my previous blog that I was going to write about going to gyms. I wanted to mention some of my experiences and then some tips that have helped me enjoy going rather than seeing them as palaces of doom. 

I had never really been to gyms, when I was at college and university everyone smoked and drank coffee and never went to gyms, gyms were for only the exceptionally sporty – an alien race for me growing up. Fast forward to 2019 and gyms are everywhere and are commonplace in our society, but for me they still held connotations of a world that was removed from me, attractive people being good at sport and everyone staring at everyone else. Don’t get me wrong some gyms are still like this and even recently I went to one and had a small panic attack and was glad to leave, but there are also many that are not like that or not like that at certain times. 

Anyway, below are some tips below which I feel have helped me: 

  1. Wear something you feel good in, I would go with all black – leggings and top (loose if you are anxious), decent trainers (TK maxx for all of the above). If you feel comfortable and OK and don’t have holes in the crotch this will help. When I first went to a gym, I didn’t have the right clothes – I had old maternity trousers with hole in the crotch and I was standing next to this woman who was like a goddess – and I wanted to cry and nearly ran out – but I had a very good friend with me (remember the power of the right people?) and it was OK, but dont wear clothes with holes in, or stand next to the goddess’s. 
  1. Do your research of gyms – this can unfortunately only be achieved by going – day passes are a good idea and many do open days/free trials. Different gyms suit different people AND also think about the times – go when you will actually be able to go – then you can see the type of crowd that go when you do. My gym is great when I go Saturday mornings – quiet, lots of older people, not too many maniacs but at certain times when I have changed my schedule – it’s been full of young people and very crowded 
  1. You don’t need a personal trainer if you have a good experienced friend to show you how to use the equipment. I have seen many personal trainers who basically aren’t very good and if you do use one – use your trial gym sessions to watch them with other clients or go on a recommendation
  1. If you feel super anxious when you first start going I would just head to a stationary bike or treadmill and go on there for about 15/20 minutes just to get your bearings and calm down and get adjusted to the new environment. 
  1. If you really really hate it and you have tried a few gyms several times then maybe gyms aren’t for you and thats OK to, there are lots of other things you can try (more on that in the future). 

I have actually been going to the gym less this holiday and this is not just due to a lack of opportunity. It has been down to me having the confidence and desire to try other activities. I have started playing…netball!  Netball used to produce some sort of allergic reaction in me and made me think of scary big girls who were super competitive and popular, but thanks to some encouragement from a friend, I went to play in a casual ‘back to netball’ scheme. It was amazing, and I loved it, partly because everyone was so friendly and even though most of the players were more experienced than me, they totally encouraged and supported me and I have been again and am even thinking about joining a team – literally when I told my mum she was so shocked as in her mind she remembers the old me who would have rather put my hand in a wasps nest then done anything like that. 

The other activity that I have tried is..surfing! This one was not quite as successful – not in terms of how I felt but in how hard it was! This one is one that has been something that I have admired from afar and have always believed that its one of those activities that goes beyond being a sport for the mental health benefits that this brings has been widely documented. So I tried with my daughter and although I was pretty awful what I liked about it was that for the first time in as long as I can remember, I wasn’t thinking about anything else but just the sea, not what I looked like or how I was letting myself down, it was completely clear – which was a very powerful feeling. I also loved the fact that I was doing something like this with my daughter rather than standing on the sidelines. 

A friend of mine said it was about being brave and bold and this is the attitude I am trying to adopt in all areas – if I can do these two things in a month – what else is possible?

Thanks for reading

Ruby x